The J game

So my word press password guess was finally right.  Nothing to write. Deckyi reminded me of the blog. I thought I had a blog. So time to erase the earlier entries. Emotions surely take people to a different level!

Anyway, 4657 Jetman Score. The process-Flying and Falling. Falling and Rising. Rising and scoring!  Need to thing of something intense to score it. Otherwise, you get distracted and keep wanting to score which doesn’t  help. On that note, I realized that perhaps ignoring is a bad characteristics. Some people can put everything down in words whether its written or spoken, but some people can only keep emotions inside, and this is rather a weakness than a strength. Anyways, while playing Jetman,   I had an epiphany. To take a break from college and go to Korea and teach english for a year. Away from internet, cell phone, friends, family, college, the pressure, the stress, the need to prove, the need to appease and away from the societal norms and expectations that only makes me wither away gradually. I want to go there and grow. Grow as an individual. Grow as an individual. Sort out my priorities, build up myself from the pieces, learn what needs to be explored. For now, I feel that my life is being run by so many different things and I am conforming to everything from the societal norms to different  expectations of my near ones and others. I am rising and falling. And dissapointing myself most in the process.

A year or half a year wouldn’t hurt. I really want to get out and just be alone where I will gather the pieces that have fallen and Rise up again and score STRONG!

Free Tibet

If the NGOs fail to take action this time, and let go of this opportunity, I will forever hate these organizations. Specially an organizations like SFT which has such a potential to mobilize the Tibetan youths and thousands of members worldwide. I am hoping that they won’t let go of this opportunity. This is such an important period in our history and …

I just wrote a letter to one of the leading NGO and I realized that this organization has such a potential in reaching out to the ordinary tibetans and media .. though at times i tend to undermine their vision. but at times at need like this- you realize that they are the people who are most concerned and care about the Tibet issue and real goal of independence.

What do we do?

What a fate for my people. The protectorate of Buddhist principles. Of nonviolence.

The desperation of the situation is pushing this. I can only cry and pray for the Tibetan people and Tibet. Keep myself updated through this laptop. Write a word or two . Feel helpless.

Feel helpleness for I see how the Tibetan world is shaping now. The organizations are failing to take the role that they should at this time. The Tibetans need to unite and do something more than the protests outside the Chinese embassies and the U.N embassies. But we are all ordinary people without understandings of how the world works. What we should do. AT times like this. What? What are the NGOs doing? What are our leaders doing?

We need directions. To do what to make this a revolution. We in exile as much as in Tibetans in Tibet want to do something. What do we do? We have no directions. We are helpess. We feel the desperation and all we can think of doing is go and shout outside the embassies. The actions are taken at small level and we shouldn’t be satisfied of it. This is a historic moment-it’s now or never-for another countless lives has to lost to gain the international media attention. Violence would have to take place to get such a opportunity. What do we do? We all want answers and we are waiting. No grassroot organizings and non violent direct actions that some organizations proclaim to be. Yet, when we need them most, they are the followers, following the streets with other people rather than directing other sets of actions to do. We want leaders, more leaders -we can’t move on like this. The Tibetan people needs to educate and move along. Take the strom along. I am waiting to hear what these NGO’s would come with.

The campaigns… bullshit. Nobody seems to be working-or using their head.

As bias as it may sound- I am annoyed by the fact that no leaders are stepping ahead to direct us. Everyone is following each other.

June 11th -Don’t remember writing it!

Tibet in my heart

How sad. What is happening to my brothers and sisters in Tibet.  In trying to keep up with the news that’s happening, I am helpless unable to do anything at this very important time in the Tibetan history. People are dying, sacrificing their lives for the struggle that has been going on for 50 years, and yet even now the world is ignoring. Covering up the protests in the light of portraying the Tibetan people as violent without looking at what caused the riots. The Tibetan people for 5 decades have suffered pain, many died in hope of seeing a Free country, seeing H.H the Dalai Lama back in Tibet, they protested-got killed, we in exile protested non violently for many years in exile. No one takes a notice. This violence and the media coverage has led the Tibetans to believe that violence is the answer to the drawing media attention to the Tibet cause. To put a pressure on the Beijing government for negotiations with the Dalai Lama. For how have he followed that. Since 1987, when he laid the Strasbourg proposal- he and the Tibetan government in exile has been following the middle way policy. The year I was born, the year when there was a huge uprising in Lhasa. After 2 decades, this is happening. H.H in today’s BBC interview said that new generation Tibetans are emerging who still has the same view. As a Tibetan in Diaspora, Tibet is the priority for me. I think it’s the time where the world looks at the moral responsibility that they have in supporting the nonviolent Tibetan movement before it sees another major uprising in the days, months and years to come.

I have never been a hard core Free Tibet campaigner or believer, but the protests by Tibetans all over the world and most importantly in Lhasa, Tibet and other parts of historic Tibet have moved me to an extend to believe that Free Tibet is possible. Free Tibet is realistic. China should respect H.H the Dalai Lama for the solution that he is putting on the table. It it weren’t for H. H, the Tibetan people are restless, they would do anything. Too bad for China, they didn’t listen to H.H the Dalai Lama and this happened. How many more-we will see if they fail to recognize that H.H the Dalai Lama is an asset to them.  Free TIBET.

(I probably should be writing more, but I dont’ know. I feel in my heart, love and pride for the Tibetan people who are risking their lives. I feel united with the other Tibetans in our common goal for freedom. And I hope that the international community see their role in this. This is what happens when non-violent struggle is undermined and ignored. In order for non violence, peace and justice to prevail-the role is on everyone to support the Tibetan people in their non violent struggle. This is my random mumbling. )

Tibet-Protests. Where is Justice in the world?

As I am going to bed, I am worried, excited, and looking forward for the news tomorrow. “ 4-5000 Tibetan protesters going head to head w/ Chinese poilce in Lhabrang, Amdho, TIBET. Confirmed by calls directyly from LHABRANG, Amdho.” This is the status of one of my facebook friend working at the Students for a Free Tibet in India. What would tomorrow news bring? The Tibetans all over are protesting. In today’s case, resorting to violence. This is sad but we see the desperation. The act in desperation to receive international media attention and bring awareness to the Tibetan cause. I see this as a shame for the international community in their failing to support non-violent Tibetan movement. This chaos and violence by the very peaceful Tibetan people are a result of long negligence by the media an International community  in Tibetan people’s struggle and brushing Tibetan issue aside. This shows that Tibetan people are very capable of doing anything – for the love of our motherland. Political freedom and religious freedom are what Tibetans treasure most.

Certainly a the helplessness and desperation brought this. Tibetans in Tibet, in their own country are prisoners. Without political and religious freedom what for Tibetans means the most. If I were in Tibet, I would certainly join the movement.  We have to fight for what is rightfully ours. We have to sacrifice lives for a greater good.

China, to blame H.H the Dalai lama and undermine his power and influence, is a great loss. They should accept his proposal and engage in negotiation. This is just a beginning.

I pray that tomorrow’s news won’t bring Tibetans being killed. This is a historical movement and right now, my very brothers and sisters in Tibet are dying. I am comfortably on my bed, writing a blog and I feel terribly shameful. What am I doing. Feeling helpless and shameful.

Following are the news I have been following for today which I posted on my facebook.

Tibet protests:

A Beginning…” Brute force can never subdue the basic human desire for freedom”- H.H the Dalai Lama

Video: Tibet in turmoil as riots grip capital
http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/asiapcf/03/14/tibet.unrest/index.html#cnnSTCVideo

With Reports Of Violence, Anger Ignites Beyond Tibet
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/03/14/AR2008031404134.html

Deaths reported in Tibet protests
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/7296837.stm

A Tibetan Intifadeh Against China
http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,1722509,00.html

A timeline of Tibetan protests
http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/asiapcf/03/14/tibet.timeline/

Tibet Protests Turn Violent, Shops Burn in Lhasa
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/03/14/AR2008031401448.html

Deaths reported in Tibet as China blames Dalai Lama
http://mobile.reuters.com/mobile/m/FullArticle/CWOR/nworldNews_uUSSP10739920080314/15

Tibetan protesters warned of harsh response
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23629811/
Video:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/23634993#23634993
Pictures:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23633733/

Fire on the roof of the world
http://www.economist.com/daily/news/displaystory.cfm?story_id=10870258&top_story=1

Developments Related to Tibet Crisis
http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5g0hkHtbigRCCE8elbttBATtrV_qwD8VDFH8O1

Four die and dozens more injured as Tibet protests descend into violence
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/asia/four-die-and-dozens-more-injured-as-tibet-protests-descend-into-violence-796272.html

Turbulent priest remains thorn in Beijing’s side
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2008/03/15/wtibet315.xml

China Clamps Down on Tibetan Protests As Many Deaths, Injuries Reported
http://www.rfa.org/english/tibetan/2008/03/14/tibet_protest/

ANTI-CHINA RAGE: TIBET RIOTS
http://abcnews.go.com/International/popup?id=4452569

Chinese Police Clash With Tibet Protesters
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/03/15/world/asia/15tibet.html?hp

Dalai Lama urges China to stop using force in Tibet
http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20080314/ts_afp/chinatibetreligionprotestrightsdalai_080314135208

U.S. tells China to use restraint in Tibet protests
http://www.reuters.com/article/latestCrisis/idUSN14398845

http://www.phayul.com/news/article.aspx?article=Tibet%3A+Guns+shots+fired+as+thousands+of+Tibetans+hold+fresh+protest+in+Amdo+Labrang&id=19626

Noisy Tibetan protest outside United Nations headquarters
http://www.newsday.com/news/local/wire/newyork/ny-bc-ny–unprotest0314mar14,0,7003446.story

Six arrested in Tibet protest outside U.N.
http://sport.guardian.co.uk/breakingnews/feedstory/0,,-7385612,00.html

Eyewitness accounts: Tibet clashes
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/7297248.stm

BBC on Women’s Uprising and Tibetan Uprising Day
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_4C6EnWBhw&feature=related

China’s Tibet problem:
http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/ver/256.0/popup/index.php?cl=6961557

Students for a Free Tibet news:
http://www.studentsforafreetibet.org/article.php?list=type&type=6
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Monks with Tibetan national flag- A flag banned in Tibet.

“My beloved country, religious and political freedom are the source of our happiness” -Song by the 14 Singing nuns.

“These protests are a manifestation of the deep-rooted resentment of the Tibetan people under the present governance.”- H.H The Dalai Lama

“They’ve been brutally repressed for 50 years, 55 years, close to six decades. When you repress the people, they will explode. All people will explode.” -Richard Gere

Performing – The fun

We performed a Tibetan dance at St.Olaf College. It went really well. Actually we put this up together in a very short period of time. The dance that we did during the rehearsal was different to what we performed today. On Friday, we quickly put together a different dance/song and made our ways to using props such as Khata. Our performance today went well in my opinion. All of us did our best and sang in our loudest voice which sounded good.

I enjoyed performing. It brings me to live. That you have the ability to dance well and bring a part of our culture to other people. And when you are actually doing it at your best, it is very refreshing. Seeing that people are watching you and enjoying what you have to offer. Performing is always a lot of fun. Maybe it’s just a part of me since I have been dancing/singing and playing musical instruments as a child in infant section in front of thousands of people in Tsuklangkhang, later as a School Dance troupe member, in Pestalozzi and here at the United States now. I love the group coordination, the effort that we all put together as a team for a good performance and the time spent in practicing. I thought that the St.Olaf international festival was great. There were so many good performances and I loved the cultural aspects of it.

Music and Dance are a part of my life. It brings something positive to my mind whenever I am around it. It brings me out of my shell and out into the world which seems to positive and bright. Where I smile and they look back happily and smile back. There are twinkle in everyone’s eye when I look at them. So curiously watching every moves and a genuine appreciation in their eyes. Smiles, happiness and enthusiasm with twinkle in the peoples eyes is what I see from the stage. This is a reason why I love performing. It is something so universal where people can connect. Though not a very personal level but there is a positivism shared. A sense of peacefulness is achieved everytime I dance in front of people especially when I have a genuine sense of enjoyment at performing. I would love to perform more. On that note, I miss TCV dance practices where I made good friends, and the dances performances which I formed a very crucial part of my school life. Even in my life, it still is a very important part of me. Dances alleviate you and take you to the world where everything is just bright. Bright!

Here is the performance video.

youtube.com/watch?v=HG7_n0zTGmk

Twenty one

Maybe I was a very physically conscious as a child. Clothes always had to be comfortable and good. If it had the slightest defect, I wouldn’t wear it. Very choosy and nitpicky I was. Pala would often tell me “I would understand if you would do this if you are nineteen years of age or older. But you are now too young to be being so conscious about clothes, looks, boys, etc.” I would tell pala about different things my friends would do, eye makeup, looking at the mirror, changing clothes again and again, etc. And tell him “compared to them, I am a simple girl.”

I was 19 and I don’t know if I wore better or more fashionable clothes but I was still the same thirteen year old girl, wanting to wear comfortable clothes. Very choosy and nitpicky in terms of what to wear. Like the dream bubbles I formed reading Sweet Valley High romances back in the middle school, I knew I wanted to have a boyfriend by the age of nineteen so did I. It wasn’t planned but it just happened. It was more from my part, being in love and experiencing emotional aspects of being in a relationship. In terms of many other aspects, I was innocent as core and maybe I still am. But I know more because I have heard more.

I never had a chance to think about being twenty one. Twenty one always seemed old and I thought most about my age back when I was small. So I always thought about being nineteen. I still want to be 19 but twenty one is exciting, more than being twenty years of age. I feel like an adult now. Not that I didn’t before, but this 2 and 1 number just gives the feeling. Being legal here in America to go to different clubs, drink and buy drinks.

How would the years after being in 21 will be? The next age I look forward to is twenty eight. I have a feeling that by then, I will have a stable life. Someone by my side, a career, and pretty good idea about what I should be doing in life. So until 21 to 28, I believe it’s the time to work hard, enjoy, grow, learn, explore, experience and go from here to here and here to there.

My resolution on my 21^st birthday is to be Independent and responsible.

Indpendent: Not subject to bias or influence; not obsequious; self-directing; as, a man of an independent mind.

How to be responsible: From: http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Responsible

 

• Make small commitments at first.
• To develop personal responsibility, choose one goal and stick to it.
• Keep time commitments. Turn in homework on time.
• Don’t worry if you mess up. Just keep working at it.
• It takes practice and mistakes to become responsible.
• It takes practice and mistakes to become responsible.

Today I am twenty one!

I got this really nice surprise from few of my friends. I didn’t expect that at all. It was great! This made me remember one of the best birthdays in my life when I was 19. It was the last year of IB and my friends brought me all these lovely stuffs I hadn’t expected and we spent a lot of time together taking pictures and later dancing. That was one of the best birthday parties ever. Now when I think about myself back in the days, I was hyper, lively, active, more talkative and happier. The past two years hasn’t been that much of a satisfaction because I have withdrawn myself on so many levels.

But it’s time to break it and join the world. The world of adults, the world of twenty ones and above. And cherish being twenty one year old adult and be mature and responsible.

To reflect back on my life so far, I am so different to the person I was. Each passing day, I am becoming different. Striving to be the ideal of my own creations, I often fail. But I strive and would work to acquire the ideal qualities.